Questions to ask your family
Families are the people we know longest and ask least. These are for parents and grown-up children, for siblings, for the cousin you only see at weddings: questions about growing up, the traditions you kept, and who you each turned into.
Some are light, some you'll want to write down. The answers are often the family stories nobody thought to tell.
The house we grew up in
- 1What's the first house you remember, room by room?
- 2What did our kitchen smell like on a Sunday?
- 3What was the sound of home?
Our people
- 4What do you know about our grandparents that I might not?
- 5Who in the family do you think you're most like?
- 6What's a family story you're not sure is true?
Us, growing up
- 7What's your clearest memory of me as a kid?
- 8What was I like at eight?
- 9What did we fight about most?
How we are now
- 10What do you wish we talked about more?
- 11What's something about my life you'd like to understand better?
- 12How often do you actually want to hear from me?
Traditions
- 13What's a tradition you'd like to keep alive?
- 14What's a tradition you'd happily end?
- 15What food has to be there for it to feel like a holiday?
One of these, every morning, for the two of you
Stitch sends you and your person the same question each day. You each answer on your own, and neither of you sees the other's answer until you've both written yours. Then you see them side by side. It takes about a minute.
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The honest ones
- 16What do you wish the grown-ups had done differently?
- 17What have you forgiven that I might not have?
- 18What's something we inherited that you'd rather not pass on?
Who you are
- 19What are you proud of that has nothing to do with the family?
- 20What's your life like on an ordinary day right now?
- 21What do you do that makes you lose track of time?
Gratitude
- 22What's something you're grateful to this family for?
- 23Who helped you when you needed it most?
- 24What's something one of us did that you've never thanked us for?
Small and ordinary
- 25What did you have for dinner, and was it good?
- 26What's the weather like where you are?
- 27What's the last thing that made you laugh?
The long view
- 28What do you want to be remembered for?
- 29What do you think our family will look like in twenty years?
- 30What should we make sure to do while we still can?
How to get honest answers
- Both of you answer.A question only one person answers is an interview.
- Answer before you hear theirs.Otherwise the second answer is mostly a reaction to the first.
- One at a time.One good question a day beats thirty in a row. The list will keep.